1) Rachel's letter
2) strawberries and chocolate ice cream
3) knowing the uplifting people that I know
4) challenges wherein I can seek to learn and grow within myself
5) the scriptures and the power they have to bring me closer to Christ
12 min cycling; 65 push-ups
Why do I question? Why do I even let it cross my mind that maybe I'm not supposed to be here? ACK!
I have every desire to be serving a full-time mission. I am excelling with the language -- certainly beyond my own abilities, and hence I attribute it to the Lord and that he is blessing me to be here, showing His approval and support.
Where is my strength of heart, though, that is going to carry me through the times of strife ahead? The MTC is easy compared to what's to take place in the future. I need the Lord's hand to buoy me up, to offer the comfort and the strength that only comes from him. Otherwise, I will question the whole time if I'm really supposed to be here.
I have felt the Lord's Spirit assuring me that he is pleased with my choice to be here, but I am also aware of my faulty foundations for that choice.
I struggle with pride constantly -- that I have always wanted to be an R.M. and wouldn't settle for a mere Mrs. I am humbled daily by the length of the commitment I have made and by what it means in regards to my future.
I'll have mission stories to tell when I teach seminary! I'll set a good example for my sons and daughters. I'll have better communication skills with my eternal companion because I'll "practice" with these companions.
But are these reasons to serve that will provide the motivation and encouragement necessary to overcome trials set in the path of all missionaries by the dreadful adversary?
Could I learn these same lessons or accomplish the same goals (besides the title of RM) through other means? And if so, why aren't I doing those?
Because I love the Lord. I love His gospel. I love what it's done for me, the person it's helped me become thus far, and the person it's given me the potential to become, particularly in an eternal perspective.
I feel the Lord's love radiate through my life, see how it's lit the dark parts of my days. I want to share it, thereby strengthening my own candle's illumination by lighting others.
I want to feel the Spirit as I testify of truth; I want to see others' reactions as to how they feel the Spirit and recognize it and use it to guide them. I want to share in their joy of a new life as a disciple of Christ, the great God of this earth. I want to bear their burdens and provide any strength I might.
I want to be an instrument in the Lord's hands and be a force for good -- for ETERNAL good! And all the glory to my Father in Heaven, for truly I am nothing without Him, His Son, and His Spirit.
I bear my testimony of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Wow, it's nice to have a journal to "listen" to me! I rely on it! Cectpa Bepi
Sunday, May 30, 2010
June 9, '97
1) that Elder Smith is loving this language a little bit more (a lot, actually)
2) the great potential I see in Elder Hansen
3) the wonderful things I'm learning about myself
4) doing TRC in Russian
5) my post-card from my Bishop -- kept it from being a mail-less day
25 min running - 20 push-ups
My companion and I did our goal fully today -- we just go and practice our Russian tasks on people so that we learn them better. And I passed off the entire second principle of the first discussion.
I'm thinking about starting up another "scripture-a-day" program, but this time po-rooski (in Russian)... smaller scriptures (verses). I really think it will build my vocabulary.
How pleased I am to have the opportunity to serve a full-time mission, particularly in another language. I know I'm on the right path for me and am fulfilling my part of the plan. Love, Cectpa Bepi
2) the great potential I see in Elder Hansen
3) the wonderful things I'm learning about myself
4) doing TRC in Russian
5) my post-card from my Bishop -- kept it from being a mail-less day
25 min running - 20 push-ups
My companion and I did our goal fully today -- we just go and practice our Russian tasks on people so that we learn them better. And I passed off the entire second principle of the first discussion.
I'm thinking about starting up another "scripture-a-day" program, but this time po-rooski (in Russian)... smaller scriptures (verses). I really think it will build my vocabulary.
How pleased I am to have the opportunity to serve a full-time mission, particularly in another language. I know I'm on the right path for me and am fulfilling my part of the plan. Love, Cectpa Bepi
June 8, '97
1) being able to say "I'm sorry"
2) being able to receive people's forgiveness
3) being able to take the sacrament weekly
4) talking to others to take the focus off of myself
5) the analogy to clay in Isaiah 64:8
74 push-ups -- I've increased so much cuz I do sets
Amazing how much I struggled with yesterday's little inner conflict until such time as I apologized to the Elders for treating them in such a manner. It felt so good to express to them my sincere sorrow for being prideful toward them. Really, I'm grateful for this experience because it taught me that I can't always recognize my own faults -- that I NEED others to point them out to me and that I need to believe them and from there make the effort to correct the problem. True, I was flustered by the fact that the "concern" was not very detailed, and hence it will require a bit more work on my part to avoid a similar incident but I think its worth it. Dang, I write a bunch of write-on sentences! Love, Cectpa Bepi
2) being able to receive people's forgiveness
3) being able to take the sacrament weekly
4) talking to others to take the focus off of myself
5) the analogy to clay in Isaiah 64:8
74 push-ups -- I've increased so much cuz I do sets
Amazing how much I struggled with yesterday's little inner conflict until such time as I apologized to the Elders for treating them in such a manner. It felt so good to express to them my sincere sorrow for being prideful toward them. Really, I'm grateful for this experience because it taught me that I can't always recognize my own faults -- that I NEED others to point them out to me and that I need to believe them and from there make the effort to correct the problem. True, I was flustered by the fact that the "concern" was not very detailed, and hence it will require a bit more work on my part to avoid a similar incident but I think its worth it. Dang, I write a bunch of write-on sentences! Love, Cectpa Bepi
Sunday, May 23, 2010
June 7, '97
1) the letter I received from Ren
2) the hot air balloons I saw this morning
3) how humbling it is to have red-eye when I cry -- we all need humility!
4) just that I am HERE is a true BLESSING!
5) my room-mates and what I learn from them
50 push-ups. that's it.
My patriarchal blessing tells me I'll learn Christ-like love through motherhood, but I think I'm being given some trial opportunities here at the MTC. Christ-like love -- what does that entail? Christ has some high expectations of us -- "Be ye therefore perfect." He never backs down on his doctrine just so we'll like him. His love is always available to those who will partake.
I think of it in terms of Lehi's dream, that the tree of life (we'll interpret that as God's love) is rooted in the same ground all the time -- he never changes where it is to be found. The fruit replenishes itself so there is always enough to go around. The iron rod is provided as a safe means to get to God's love. he doesn't sell tickets or discriminate as to who can grasp on to the iron rod. He allows those who are enjoying the fruit to stay in plain sight, as a motivator for those of us still on the path. But for some reason, some people won't grasp on to the iron rod. Instead they hop on an escalator which takes them down to a great and spacious building, full of the love of men which just doesn't compare to the love of God. So here I am, at this point in time, with this district for a reason and I really think this might be (at least one of them) it!
I need to recognize people's agency to partake of the love of God -- or not. And while I can't understand or sympathize with their choice not to, I must simply be a tree of love, always in the same place, bearing plenty of fruit, with a path provided to partake.
What happened that brought on this analogy type of thinking is the {Staryeishini} Elders "expressed concern" (the real word is complained, but not in MTC vocabulary) to Sister Bird (my evening teacher) that they didn't want my help in teaching them. Apparently, an unequal relationship was evolving and that's never good. So while I was passing off my task, Sis. Bird expressed this concern to me and asked what we could do about it.
I was at a loss because my heart feels so pure! My intent was not to do this! I have some very simple goals -- I just don't have the most effective means of reaching them. So I will be paying attention to the other Sisters, who are helpful but (apparently) in a more effective way.
I'm not so worried that the Elders don't like me -- not everyone clicks and certainly not when their goals aren't the same. I'm just concerned that they have set me up as a hindrance to their progression, when all I wanted to be was a help. So I will remove the attempts at helping and that should ultimately remove one of their hindrances to learning.
Oh, I'm so excited to be a missionary! I know I have so much yet to learn and that I can learn it in/thru these experiences... not that I couldn't learn it in other ways, but like I said, at first maybe this is a trial run!
I honestly believe that missionary work is the responsibility of the priesthood and that it is my privilege to be involved in the miracles of conversion that lie ahead as I thrust my sickle into this marvelous work and wonder!
I pray for the attributes required (listed in D&C 4) and that I can grow in each of these.
I love my Savior and am so grateful for his love for me. I am in awe that I am a member of his Only true Church and that I partake in the ordinances that will lead me back to his presence. Why aren't I feeling the Spirit as I write this?!
I NEED the Spirit's constant confirmation! I rely on it so much!
The end. Cectpa Bepi
PS - I felt the Spirit as I read it -- that makes me feel better.
Fitting scripture (found 6/8, 6:30am, right when I needed it!)
Alma 42:27
2) the hot air balloons I saw this morning
3) how humbling it is to have red-eye when I cry -- we all need humility!
4) just that I am HERE is a true BLESSING!
5) my room-mates and what I learn from them
50 push-ups. that's it.
My patriarchal blessing tells me I'll learn Christ-like love through motherhood, but I think I'm being given some trial opportunities here at the MTC. Christ-like love -- what does that entail? Christ has some high expectations of us -- "Be ye therefore perfect." He never backs down on his doctrine just so we'll like him. His love is always available to those who will partake.
I think of it in terms of Lehi's dream, that the tree of life (we'll interpret that as God's love) is rooted in the same ground all the time -- he never changes where it is to be found. The fruit replenishes itself so there is always enough to go around. The iron rod is provided as a safe means to get to God's love. he doesn't sell tickets or discriminate as to who can grasp on to the iron rod. He allows those who are enjoying the fruit to stay in plain sight, as a motivator for those of us still on the path. But for some reason, some people won't grasp on to the iron rod. Instead they hop on an escalator which takes them down to a great and spacious building, full of the love of men which just doesn't compare to the love of God. So here I am, at this point in time, with this district for a reason and I really think this might be (at least one of them) it!
I need to recognize people's agency to partake of the love of God -- or not. And while I can't understand or sympathize with their choice not to, I must simply be a tree of love, always in the same place, bearing plenty of fruit, with a path provided to partake.
What happened that brought on this analogy type of thinking is the {Staryeishini} Elders "expressed concern" (the real word is complained, but not in MTC vocabulary) to Sister Bird (my evening teacher) that they didn't want my help in teaching them. Apparently, an unequal relationship was evolving and that's never good. So while I was passing off my task, Sis. Bird expressed this concern to me and asked what we could do about it.
I was at a loss because my heart feels so pure! My intent was not to do this! I have some very simple goals -- I just don't have the most effective means of reaching them. So I will be paying attention to the other Sisters, who are helpful but (apparently) in a more effective way.
I'm not so worried that the Elders don't like me -- not everyone clicks and certainly not when their goals aren't the same. I'm just concerned that they have set me up as a hindrance to their progression, when all I wanted to be was a help. So I will remove the attempts at helping and that should ultimately remove one of their hindrances to learning.
Oh, I'm so excited to be a missionary! I know I have so much yet to learn and that I can learn it in/thru these experiences... not that I couldn't learn it in other ways, but like I said, at first maybe this is a trial run!
I honestly believe that missionary work is the responsibility of the priesthood and that it is my privilege to be involved in the miracles of conversion that lie ahead as I thrust my sickle into this marvelous work and wonder!
I pray for the attributes required (listed in D&C 4) and that I can grow in each of these.
I love my Savior and am so grateful for his love for me. I am in awe that I am a member of his Only true Church and that I partake in the ordinances that will lead me back to his presence. Why aren't I feeling the Spirit as I write this?!
I NEED the Spirit's constant confirmation! I rely on it so much!
The end. Cectpa Bepi
PS - I felt the Spirit as I read it -- that makes me feel better.
Fitting scripture (found 6/8, 6:30am, right when I needed it!)
Alma 42:27
June 6, '97
1) The pictures I got back!
2) the wonderful time in the temple and that the feelings stayed with me afterward.
3) seeing Elder Ross! He's SUCH a missionary!
4) the love I feel for my companion.
5) the trust I can have in Heavenly Father.
50 push-ups -- that's it
What a lovely day! I don't think I did a durn bit of Russian, but I wrote a lot of letters wherein I said I loved it! I got about 8 letters written -- two of which had a bunch of pictures where my companion had followed me around for a day. It was fun -- I felt artsy again!
But particularly memorable about today was the temple and the strength of the feelings with which I was overcome -- and then how those same feelings were reproduced later during culture night.
I was fasting for re-assurance taht I am doing what I'm supposed to do -- that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. And it's ALL TRUE!
I'm so blessed and EXCITED to have the truth and share it! love, Cectpa Bepi
2) the wonderful time in the temple and that the feelings stayed with me afterward.
3) seeing Elder Ross! He's SUCH a missionary!
4) the love I feel for my companion.
5) the trust I can have in Heavenly Father.
50 push-ups -- that's it
What a lovely day! I don't think I did a durn bit of Russian, but I wrote a lot of letters wherein I said I loved it! I got about 8 letters written -- two of which had a bunch of pictures where my companion had followed me around for a day. It was fun -- I felt artsy again!
But particularly memorable about today was the temple and the strength of the feelings with which I was overcome -- and then how those same feelings were reproduced later during culture night.
I was fasting for re-assurance taht I am doing what I'm supposed to do -- that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. And it's ALL TRUE!
I'm so blessed and EXCITED to have the truth and share it! love, Cectpa Bepi
June 5, '97
1) that this week is going by a bit faster than previous weeks have
2) the MARKED change in Elder Smith's attitude after last night's study on humility. He seemed more optimistic!
3) the fun little chat Sis. Smyth and I had with Brother Jensen -- it was nice to feel friendly!
4) the package I received (although I haven't picked it up yet -- I don't even know who it's from!)
5) that tomorrow is temple day!
walking: 25 min; 50 push-ups
I'm trying to set up Brother Jensen with Rachel! Of course, she won't get home for a few more weeks, and even then she'll be in Indiana, but I think they'd make a great couple!
I'm so excited that tomorrow night is culture night and I'll get a sort of preview of where I'm headed. I love this mission thing. I know I haven't even had a real glimpse as to what it's really about, but so far it's been a wonderful growing experience, and better yet, there's more to come.
Thank goodness for the love and support of my family and friends but especially of my Father in Heaven! I know he is pleased with my choices right now! Love, Cectpa Bepi
2) the MARKED change in Elder Smith's attitude after last night's study on humility. He seemed more optimistic!
3) the fun little chat Sis. Smyth and I had with Brother Jensen -- it was nice to feel friendly!
4) the package I received (although I haven't picked it up yet -- I don't even know who it's from!)
5) that tomorrow is temple day!
walking: 25 min; 50 push-ups
I'm trying to set up Brother Jensen with Rachel! Of course, she won't get home for a few more weeks, and even then she'll be in Indiana, but I think they'd make a great couple!
I'm so excited that tomorrow night is culture night and I'll get a sort of preview of where I'm headed. I love this mission thing. I know I haven't even had a real glimpse as to what it's really about, but so far it's been a wonderful growing experience, and better yet, there's more to come.
Thank goodness for the love and support of my family and friends but especially of my Father in Heaven! I know he is pleased with my choices right now! Love, Cectpa Bepi
June 4, '97
*)Receiving my Russian name tags!
1) the lesson on HUMILITY!
2) the opportunity to actually DO service in the calling "coordinating sister"
3) receiving an uplifting letter from Elder Stone
4) the shade when the sun scorches -- but also the sun
5) a very good memory that has been cultivated
run: 25 min; 40 push-ups
I don't feel like I have a lot to write about today. Funny because I experience a lot of emotions through out the day. I have considered carrying my journal with me to record them when they occr!
My sweet companion, Sis. Smyth, opened up a little about her frustrations. I really needed her to. I could tell she was struggling but I ddin't know how to bring it out in the open.
Yesterday was picture day and she was my photographer, following the many different events of the day. It was fun!
There was also a talk yesterday about goals -- very inspiring. I know that I am growing by being here and that I can look back on these experiences the rest of my life! Love, Cectpa Bepi
1) the lesson on HUMILITY!
2) the opportunity to actually DO service in the calling "coordinating sister"
3) receiving an uplifting letter from Elder Stone
4) the shade when the sun scorches -- but also the sun
5) a very good memory that has been cultivated
run: 25 min; 40 push-ups
I don't feel like I have a lot to write about today. Funny because I experience a lot of emotions through out the day. I have considered carrying my journal with me to record them when they occr!
My sweet companion, Sis. Smyth, opened up a little about her frustrations. I really needed her to. I could tell she was struggling but I ddin't know how to bring it out in the open.
Yesterday was picture day and she was my photographer, following the many different events of the day. It was fun!
There was also a talk yesterday about goals -- very inspiring. I know that I am growing by being here and that I can look back on these experiences the rest of my life! Love, Cectpa Bepi
Sunday, May 9, 2010
June 3, '97
1) familiar faces
2) new clothes! - Nicole & Elder Stone
3) the fact I'm not an MTC teacher (yet)-- and that when I AM it won't be for MY district
4) my companion's patience with me
5) the Spirit I felt so regularly today
run: 25 min; 40 push-ups
Today I received a t-shirt from Elder Stone. I try not to dwell on it, and rarely admit it to myself, but he's really a remarkable guy! I feel so blessed to just be corresponding with him. I don't know what it would be like to know him personally -- if he could ever convince me of his commitment to eternity -- but for the time being he's got a pretty good hold on my heart!
I've decided that being on a mission is a wonderful thing! I am so blessed to be here! Granted it is filling me BOTH spiritually and physically but for the most part I'm only benefiting from this experience and growing a TON. I pray I can be the means of miracles!
{Bo Imya Iicyca Xpicta, Amin} In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
2) new clothes! - Nicole & Elder Stone
3) the fact I'm not an MTC teacher (yet)-- and that when I AM it won't be for MY district
4) my companion's patience with me
5) the Spirit I felt so regularly today
run: 25 min; 40 push-ups
Today I received a t-shirt from Elder Stone. I try not to dwell on it, and rarely admit it to myself, but he's really a remarkable guy! I feel so blessed to just be corresponding with him. I don't know what it would be like to know him personally -- if he could ever convince me of his commitment to eternity -- but for the time being he's got a pretty good hold on my heart!
I've decided that being on a mission is a wonderful thing! I am so blessed to be here! Granted it is filling me BOTH spiritually and physically but for the most part I'm only benefiting from this experience and growing a TON. I pray I can be the means of miracles!
{Bo Imya Iicyca Xpicta, Amin} In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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