May 14, '97

1) little "clicking" times when something makes sense
2) forgiveness and willingness to move on
3) the missionary program altogether
4) my darn good memory
5) my companion's efforts at Speaking Your Language (SYL)
run- 20 minutes -- 170 sit-ups -- 24 1/2 push-ups

Am I wavering? Because she that wavereth will not receive anything of the Lord! I want SO MUCH to serve this mission. Really, it comes down to pride: I want to say I'm a returned missionary. I'm so good at the language and totally feel blessed with the gift of tongues. I know I have SO MUCH yet to learn, and not just in the language but in the Scriptures. I really think a mission is a great way to learn both.

It truly is a sacrifice in more ways than I ever recognized it.. and that can be hard to deal with. I compare this time to my last semester and so far have not learned as much as I did then... as far as what is in the scriptures... but I know I need to take time to APPLY the scriptures.

Oh how I wish I could pray! With my companion and room-mates around all the time, I just can't put the energy and effort into it that I am used to.. and that I need to. I need to let my Father know my worries and concerns, I need to express to Him my great desire to serve, I need to plead for Him to bless my family while I'm gone, I want to explain how much I'll miss the temple while serving in St. Petersburg, and that I have humbled myself greatly and no longer hate the idea of being married and that I have every desire for a wonderful man to be prepared to receive me upon my homecoming.

Please let it be after 18 months of full-time, whole-hearted service! Please! I know it's a pride thing. I'll strive to re-focus myself. Oh, Father, I need thy Spirit. I need thy strength. I do know that thou livest and that thou doth care for me as well as each of the people in St. Petersburg whose life I can touch. {Spasibo Bolshoi} A big thank you!

Love, Sister Berry